


Parallel Processing

by Turn_of_the_Sonic_Screw



Series: Threesomes in Space [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Chess, Exhibitionism, F/F, F/M, Multi, Threesome, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 16:24:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6994969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Turn_of_the_Sonic_Screw/pseuds/Turn_of_the_Sonic_Screw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which EDI decides to broaden her experience with the human creature. Sam Traynor is all too eager to help. And Joker's more than happy to watch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Parallel Processing

**Author's Note:**

> First up, thanks as always to my beta, imaginary_golux.
> 
> Second, this is going to be part of an ongoing collection of fics with two common themes: set in the Mass Effect universe, and with some kind of three-or-more-some as the main relationship. No actual continuity from fic to fic.

“Jeff,” EDI asks, “what is your opinion of Specialist Traynor?”

“Sam?” Joker scratches his stubbly cheek. “Okay, I guess. She does her thing, I do mine.”

“Is she physically attractive?”

Joker narrows his eyes. “Yeah, but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t swing my way. Why?”

“Would you be offended if I pursued a sexual relationship with her?” Joker splutters and flails, nearly falling out of his pilot’s seat. “We would, of course, continue our own relationship. Assuming you would be amenable.”

What even the fuck, Joker thinks. “Can I watch?” His mouth says before he can even process what is happening. _Shit, shit, shit_ , he thinks.

“I would of course have to consult Specialist Traynor’s preferences on exhibitionism,” EDI replies calmly. 

“EDI, are you fucking with me? Because now would be a good time to reveal the joke.”

“I assure you I am utterly in earnest, Jeff. I am eager and curious to explore my sexuality further. For her part, Ms. Traynor was not shy about her attraction to me when I was just a disembodied voice. I anticipate that she would accept a proffered liaison given my current platform.”

“Uh, yeah, probably.” He dries his palms on his uniform pants. “You, erm, aren’t going to throw me over for a girl, are you? Because I don’t think I could cope with being so bad in bed that I turned a robot into a lesbian.”

“Of course not.” EDI places a cool kiss on his forehead. “I love you, Jeff. I have run multiple simulations, taking into account my reduced need for downtime and the staggering of duty rosters aboard the Normandy, and I believe that I will have ample time to bond adequately with both of you.” She pauses, unnervingly still. “May I infer your approval of my idea given your increased pupil width and rate of salivation?”

“Uh, yeah, I guess.” Whatever, he thought, even a one-half timeshare of EDI was way more hotness than a manchild with Vrolik’s had any right to expect. And if he played his cards right, he could probably cancel his porn subscriptions. 

“Excellent,” EDI announces. She stands abruptly. “I will inform Specialist Traynor.”

“Wait, what?” Joker cranes his neck as his copilot strides towards the CIC. “Shit, shit, shit…” He taps the autopilot on and staggers after her, catching up with EDI and her damn long strides just in time to see Sam blush and look over at him. “Hey, Traynor…”

“Flight Lieutenant Moreau!” Traynor salutes, then sotto voce: “Awfully sporting of you to share the missus. I mean,” and she babbles on, a bit punch-drunk with her good fortune, bright smile quirked across her features. “Now, where can we put on a private show?...”

And so it comes to pass that Joker is sitting in a middle-brow hotel room in his shorts and undershirt watching EDI and Sam play chess. 

“Honestly, Joker, it’s called foreplay,” Sam teases him. “Mate in three.” 

“Mate in two,” EDI counters, moving a piece. Her fingers brush Sam’s.

“Damn,” Sam curses. “By which I mean _damn_.” Synthetic fingertips are ghosting over the back of her hand now.

“ _J’adoube_ ,” EDI says, retracting her hand. Traynor’s eyes go wide with lust and she dives over the board. Smoked rose lips mash into silver ones; metallic fingers help Samantha’s top over her head. “Why, Specialist, if I didn’t know any better, I would say this was a crass attempt to make me forget about our game.” The corners of her mouth angle up into a smile. Sam fumbles with the zip of her pants. “Fortunately for you, I have stored an image of the gameboard in my hard drive.”

“Ah, yes,” Sam feints, “all part of my cunning plan.” Titanium fingers coax her nipples to equal hardness beneath the satin of her bra. Joker’s pretty hard himself, as it happens. “Just keep talking.”

“Or?” EDI asks, rolling Traynor easily onto her back and shedding her panties.

“Ulp!” Sam’s eyes flick over to Joker. Does she do this to you? she wonders. He certainly seems to be enjoying the show. “Eat me?” Sam begs, legs parted.

“I do not require sustenance, Specialist,” EDI reminds her, warm notes suffusing her metallic voice. An appreciative hand slides up Sam’s body, pausing only briefly to pop open the catch of her bra. “That was a joke,” she proclaims, nose millimeters from Sam’s clit. 

“Fuck,” Joker mutters, starting to stroke himself in earnest now. He watches as Traynor loses herself to EDI’s methodical, mathematical tongue; he knows how that tongue feels at his neck, the vein on his cock, the crook of his elbow… It doesn’t remotely occur to him to be jealous of Sam; well, okay, maybe a little bit, but he’s gotten damn good at telling the naysayers in his head to fuck themselves. Speaking of which… he hisses out a breath as he comes, then ducks out to grab a couple of damp washcloths.

Traynor’s preferred method of communication is screaming by the time he comes back, and he watches the end of the show with a grin. “Fuck, EDI, that was incredible…” Her eyes close and her mouth hangs open, just a little. “I have a completely neurotic need to take a shower but then...maybe I can repay the favor?” she asks. “Actually, do you even?...”

“As Jeff is well aware, this unit was designed to be capable of both giving and receiving sexual pleasure, including via physical interface,” EDI informs her. “I believe one of its many potential functions was infiltration through seduction.” Beat. “This functionality has proved to be extremely valuable in my continuing efforts to subjugate organic life.”

“That was also a joke,” Joker notes, tossing Traynor a cloth. “But hey, if it wasn’t, at least our existence will be assured as long as we’re the official fucktoys of Her Cybernetic Majesty.”

“Of course, Jeff,” EDI stands and takes his arm possessively. She gazes down at Sam, still hazy with afterglow. “So, should I reset the gameboard? Or would you prefer to dispense with the foreplay for this round and I will just join you in the shower?” Sam just grins, a slow, lazy smirk.


End file.
